Picky Eaters

All She Wants is Yogurt!

My daughter Wren is obsessed with yogurt (she calls it “ogre” but we know what she means). She could eat it for every meal if we let her, and if we say no to yogurt, she then asks for cheese. Then her hail mary is always, “Wrenny want cookie.” Ahh, so do I, Wrenny, so do I.

But knowing that this is neither ideal nor balanced nutrition, we make sure she doesn’t get her dairy fix more than once or twice a day to leave room to try other things. Sometimes she’ll pitch a fit and refuse to eat the delicious meal I put in front of her (maybe my cooking is not that delicious, but it’s edible), so I give her about 15 minutes (this can be generous, 7-10 minutes works fine too) to consider the meal as a viable option before taking it away and sending her off to her next adventure.

It’s hard sometimes, knowing that I didn’t fill her belly. It feels like pretty much my job as a mom to make sure she eats and is nourished. And, often guilt sets in, and even though she and I have tiny eyes, she has this uncanny ability to make hers big and pleading and irresistible. I remind myself in those moments that she’s ok, I don’t need to stuff her full of food to be a good mom, and consistency is what’s important here.

Some cool things about kids and food preferences

• Kids’ appetites usually decrease quite a bit between age 1 and 4. Picky eating can actually be a sign of decreased hunger.
• It’s normal to start seeing signs of stronger food preferences from age 1.
• Babies’ food preferences (often referred to as their palates) are largely shaped by 1) the flavor of mom’s amniotic fluid when in utero and 2) the flavor of mom’s breastmilk in infancy. The more varied mom’s diet, even in the prenatal period, the more varied baby’s diet is, which bodes well for the future.
• It can take 10 to 12 exposures to the same food before your child realizes whether or not he likes a food (so don’t give up after he spits it out 5x … there’s still a chance he’ll like peas!!)

So what do you do if you’re dealing with a picky eater? A super stubborn, impossible eater? 

Here are a few tips and tricks for getting your kiddo to eat a greater variety of foods. As always, take what works for your family, leave the rest.

• Remember to listen. It’s actually best to let your child honor and connect with her body’s hunger and satisfaction cues instead of ignoring them. If she’s not hungry, don’t panic, it’s ok. Maybe she’ll be hungry at the next meal.
• Kids loooooove routine. Aim for 3 meals and 2 snacks per day after 1yo. Eat as a family, without distractions (ahem, put the phone away), let her see you eat veggies too if you want her to eat veggies, and enjoy the time together.
• Who’s responsible for what? Well, you parental units get to choose the meal and mealtime. Your awesome kid gets to choose whether or not to eat the meal or finish it. Once your job is done, whether or not he wants to eat is totally up to him! Let it go!
• Yes, it’s really fine if he doesn’t eat anything.
• Remember, there’s often NO reason for why she’ll love to eat something today and hate to eat it tomorrow. Learning the preferences of a toddler is generally a fickle process.
• Don’t force her to eat, and don’t get into food fights. Food is nourishing, and it can be fun, but it should never be dramatic.
• Try not to bribe or offer a “treat if you try your broccoli” because this sets up foods as “good” or “bad,” a hierarchy that we’re trying to avoid.
• Yes, it’s ok if she goes to bed without eating. I totally promise.
• Guilt-check yourself: We don’t recommend offering snacks out of guilt when he doesn’t finish his meal. If you planned a snack (the meal you chose at the time you chose), then that’s ok, but if you’re chasing him down with his favorite snack because you don’t want him to be hungry or to ease your anxiety about his empty tummy, then you’re teaching him that food will always be offered and eventually he’ll get what he wants if he just keeps holding out. It can help to remember that at school if he doesn’t want to eat at snack time, no one’s going to force him to. It just gets cleaned up, and there’s no more food until lunchtime. No drama. Just a structure that works.
• Eventually, if you’re consistent with this new mealtime routine, she’ll learn that the food you choose comes in 3 meals and two snacks at the time you decide. It gives you the opportunity to choose well-rounded meals and offer good nutrition that, hopefully, with consistent exposure, she’ll come to enjoy or at the very least eat.
• Also, remember that toddler appetites are wildly inconsistent. There’ll be days he eats nothing (too busy playing, mommy) and days when he’ll eat everything that comes his way and ask for more. He’ll eat all the carbs today and all the protein tomorrow, so don’t stress about getting each meal just right everyday … toddlers tend to self-regulate and get to the right balance over the course of a week or two.
• Variety is key. Not only do you want to offer different kinds of fruits, vegetables, and proteins like meat and fish, but you also want to offer different colors, flavors, and textures. Try different herbs and spices too.
• I know you don’t want to waste food, so if it’s new, try to offer just a little and then not again for a few weeks (this recommendation is for toddlers … for infants, you’re going to want to introduce the same thing a few days in a row first).
• Toddlers often eat with their eyes, so make it fun! If the food is colorful in cool shapes and can be dipped, it’s often a winner! Toddlers enjoy the autonomy of finger foods, so you can cut anything new into bite-sized pieces for him to explore.
• If she’s old enough, make her your sous chef! My daughter has helped me wash the rice, scoop the hummus, and pluck the grapes off the stems. It helps to get her acquainted with her food.
• There’s nothing wrong with being sneaky … mix up veggies in omelets, smoothies, soups, stews, bake them in breads and cookies … get ’em in where you can; if they take a bite or two, it’s a win!
• Once your child accepts one food, you can introduce other foods with similar colors, flavors, and textures to form a “food bridge” to add more variety. For example, if they like carrots, you can offer sweet potatoes to gradually expand their palate. Even a nibble is a win!!
• Sometimes serving unfamiliar foods or flavors kids usually don’t like at first (sour and bitter), with more familiar foods and flavors toddlers naturally prefer (sweet and salty), can help open her mind. Pairing something bitter like broccoli with something salty like cheese or pairing something sour/tart like yogurt with something sweet like blueberries, for example. Combinations can excite the tastebuds!

Recap of the Division of Responsibility: Who Does What?

This simple concept helps families reduce mealtime stress:

Parents decide:

• What food is offered
• When meals and snacks happen
• Where food is eaten

Children decide:

• Whether to eat
• How much to eat

That’s it. And yes, it’s okay if they eat nothing. Letting go of control helps kids learn to listen to their bodies and develop a healthier relationship with food. Find more information here.

Summary of Tips for Encouraging Healthy Eating

• Offer meals and snacks at regular times (3 meals, 2 snacks per day)
• Eat together, screen-free when possible
• Model what you want to see—eat your veggies, too!
• Don’t bribe or pressure your child to eat
• Avoid guilt-based snacks if they skip a meal—structure is key
• Expose them to variety—colors, textures, herbs, dips, and new shapes
• Make food fun and hands-on (let them help prep or serve themselves)
• Try “food bridges”—pair familiar foods with new ones

Real Talk: It’s Okay to Say No

If your child wants a snack instead of dinner, it’s okay to say no. If they skip the meal entirely, that’s okay too. When you’re consistent, they’ll learn that food is offered at regular times—and that they won’t starve if they wait until the next meal.

You’re doing better than you think. It takes time, patience, and a bit of creativity to support a child’s evolving relationship with food. If you’re ever unsure, we’re happy to help. No judgment—just real guidance and aloha.